Software Profession - "Sarfarosh"--AWESOME

These interactions are between a developer and technical architect. Comparing them with Sarfarosh movie's Inspector Salim and ACP Rathod.

Enjoy.............................................



ARCHITECT: Kaise ho developer?
DEVELOPER: Thik hun Sir. Yeh document dene ke liye aaya thaa.
ARCHITECT: To tum is module pe kaam nahi karoge.
DEVELOPER: Nahi Sir
ARCHITECT: Aur yeh aapka faislaa hai.
DEVELOPER: Faislaa karney wala main kaun hotaa hun sir.
Faislaa to aap bade log kartein hain.
Ek javascript bug mere module mein nikal aataa hai, aur saarey project mein khusar pusar shuru ho jaati hai.
Aur mujhe us module se hataa diya jaataa hai.
Kyun. Kyun ke main developer hun.
Aur aaj aapka project crash ho jaata hai, koi kuch nahi bol rahaa.
Kyun, kyun ke aap Technical Architect ho. Ek badi post pe hain. Aur kisi bade baap ke bête hain.
ARCHITECT: Technical Architect. Badaa baap. Aap jaante hain mere pitaaji ko.
Who mere pitaaji hain.
Puchhiye unsey main kaise banaa Technical Architect.
bataa nahi paayenge aapko. Barso se khaamosh hain.
Aur woh meri bhabhi hain. Tester hain. Puchhiye unse woh kaise bani Tester.
Humdardi ke liye kah rahaa hun. Lekin aap suniye.
Technical Architect banane ke liye, jee tod mehnat ki hai maine.
MBA ke liye chunaa gayaa thaa. Project Manager bankar aaraam ki jindagi guzaar saktaa thaa.
Lekin maine MCA chunaa. Kyun. Kyun ki har project bug free dekhnaa chaahtaa hun.
Aur main yeh aapse is liye nahi kah rahaa hun ke yeh mere module ka maamlaa hai. Nahi. Yeh mere project ka mamla hai.
DEVELOPER: mere project ka nahi hai?
ARCHITECT: shaayad nahi hai. Isi liye aap apni jimmedariyon se bhaag rahein hain.
Main is project ko apna project samajhtaa hun. Aur apnaa project bachaaney ke liye mujhe kisi developer ki jarurat nahi hai.

Few days later:

ARCHITECT: Tum is module mein kya kar rahey ho Developer?
DEVELOPER: kyun? Koi paabandi hai?
Isi script ko dhundh rahey ho naa aap.
Nahi mili naa. Agar mil bhi gayee to kya hoga?
Aapko to bug fix karke chahiye naa?
Yeh li jiye. Mil jaayegaa aaj. Database mein.
Jaiye. Fix kar lijiye usko.
ARCHITECT: Ruko Developer. Meri baat suno.
DEVELOPER: aur kya sunayenge. Ab nahi sunugaa. De to diya aapko bug fix karkey. Aur kya chahiye. Jaaiye bachaaiye apne project ko. Ab meri kya jarurat hai.
ARCHITECT: jarurat hai Developer. Is project ko bachaaney ke liye mujhe ek nahi, 10 Developer ki jarurat hai.
DEVELOPER: 10 nahi sir, 10 hazaar milenge. Agar aap bharosaa karenge to.
Meri baat suniye Sir. Phir kabhi kisi Developer se mat kahnaa ye project uskaa apna project nahi.
ARCHITECT: nahi kahungaa, kabhi nahi kahungaa.

5 biggest Tragedies of boys' Life

5 biggest Tragedies of boys' Life -

1) Good girls are not Good-looking    

2) Good-looking girls are not good girls...

3) Good-looking and good girls are not single

4) Good-looking, good and single girls have strong Brothers

5) Good-looking, good, single girls without brothers will treat us as her brother...!

Mumbai, a City where everything is possible

Mumbai Mrei Jaan....
Mumbai, a City where everything is possible
Mumbai, a City where everything is possible, especially the impossible .


Where telephone bills make a person ill,
Where a person cannot sleep without a pill.

Where carbon-dioxide is more than oxygen,
Where the road is considered to be a dustbin,

Where college canteens are full and classes empty,
Where Adam teasing is also making an entry,

Where a cycle reaches faster than a car,
Where everyone thinks himself to be a star,

Where sky scrapers overlook the slum,
Where houses collapse as the monsoon comes,

Where people first act and then think,
Where there is more water in the pen than ink,

Where the roads see-saw in monsoon,
Where the beggars become rich soon,

Where the roads are leveled when the minister arrives,

Where college admission means hard cash,
Where cement is frequently mixed with ash.


YES ! IT IS AMCHI MUMBAI !!
MUMBAI (BOMBAY)

'Bom bay' has no bombs and is a harbour not a bay.
Church-gate has neither a church nor a gate. It is a railway station.
There is no darkness in Andheri.
Lal-baag is neither red nor a garden.
No king ever stayed at Kings Circle ..
Nor did Queen Victoria stay at Victoria Terminus..
Nor is there any princess at Princess Street ..
Lower Parel is at the same level as Parel
There are no marines or sailors at Marine Lines.
The Mahalaxmi temple is at Haji Ali not at Mahalaxmi.
There are no pigs traded at Dukar bazaar.
Teen bati is a junction of 3 roads, not three lamps.
Trams used to terminate at Kings circle not Dadar* Tram Terminus (Dadar T..T..).
Breach Candy is not a sweetmeat market, but there is a Hospital.
Safed Pool has the dirtiest and blackest water.
You cannot buy coal at Kolsa street.
There are no Iron smiths at Lohar chawl.
There are no pot makers at Kumbhar wada.
Lokhandwala complex is not an Iron and steel market.
Null bazaar does not sell taps.
You will not find ladyfingers at Bheendi Bazaar.
Kalachowki does not have a black Police station.
Hanging Gardens are not suspended.
Mirchi Gully does not sell chillies.
Figs do not grow in Anjir Wadi.
Sitafals do not grow in Sitafal Wadi,
Jackfruits do not grow at Fanaswadi.

But it is true that you may get fleeced at Chor Bazaar!

AMCHI MUMBAI

THINGS TO PROVE YOU'RE A MUMBAYITE

1. You say 'town ' and expect everyone to know that this means south of Churchgate.

2. You speak in a dialect of Hindi called 'Bambaiya Hindi', which only Bombayites can understand.

3. Your door has more than three locks.

4. Rs 500 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag.

5. Train timings ( 9.27 , 10.49 etc) are really important events of life.

6. You spend more time each month traveling than you spend at home.

7. You call an 8' x 10' clustered room a Hall.

8. You're paying Rs 10,000 for a 1 room flat, the size of walk-in closet and you think it's a 'steal.'

9. You have the following sets of friend: school friends, college friends, neighborhood friends, office friends and yes, train friends, a species unique only in Mumbai. (REALLY TRUE)

10. Cabbies and bus conductors think you are from Mars if you call the roads by their Indian name, they are more familiar with Warden Road, Peddar  Road, Altamount Road

11. Stock market quotes are the only other thing* besides cricket which you follow passionately.

12. The first thing that you read in the Times of India is the 'Bombay Times' supplement.

13. You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.

14. Hookers, beggars and the homeless are invisible.

15. You compare Bombay to New York 's Manhattan instead of any other cities of India.

16. The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.

17. You insist on calling CST as VT, and Sahar and Santacruz airports instead of Chatrapati Shivaji International Airport.

18. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.

19. Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes.

20. Being  "Single" makes you nervous.

21. You love wading through knee deep mucky water in the monsoons, and actually call it 'romantic'.

22. Only in Mumbai, you would get Chinese Dosa.

Pass The Biscuits

 
When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.

On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school.

I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burned biscuits."

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your momma put in a long hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides... a burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!"

You know, life is full of imperfect things... and imperfect people. What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each other’s faults and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

So...please pass me a biscuit. And yes, the burned one will do just fine!
 
 
--Author Unknown.
 

Men Vs. Women

 
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'

W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.' The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain . God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!'


The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
Share THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT !

Software Bridegroom Selection..very Good... :)

A conversation about the process of selecting a software bridegroom....Enjoy reading....


Vidhya: hey! what is the matter you have called up all of a sudden?

Nithya : do u remember that my parents gave my horoscope, to search for
a suitable match, to many people? So many horoscopes of the groom has
come.. in that 4-5 seems to match.. I don't know which one to select, I
am confused because of it.

Vidhya: what is the confusion about?

Nithya: horoscopes of many software engineers have come.
That's why I don't know whom I must select among this. You are a
software engineer na pls give me some suggestion.

vidhya: not a problem at all. So tell me the position that each one
holds.

nithya: first is a "manager".

vidhya: manager?? Then he will showcast himself that he is busy always.
But he will not do anything properly. He will get u 1 kg of rice and ask
you to prepare for the whole area say a village. He will get you mutton
and ask you to prepare chicken 65. Even if you protest telling you can't
make it, he'll not accept. He will tell you to work hard day and night
to prepare it. He will also tell he'll provide you with the night cab.
Even if you ask how can I prepare chicken 65 out of it by sitting day
and night he will not accept.

nithya: ohh..so dangerous he is!! Then I must escape. Next is a "test engineer".

vidhya: he is more dangerous than the other person. Whatever you do he
will correctly tell only the fault in it. Even if you try to surprise
him with 10 variety of food, he will tell the item which does not have
salt in it. If you ask him "will you not at least tell that it is good",
he will reply back saying it is your duty to make it good so why must I
tell that. He is sooo good ...

Nithya: then a NO to him also. Next is the "performance test engineer".

vidhya: he is another specimen.. even if everything is good, he will ask
why did it take this much time. If you take 10 minutes to make a coffee,
he will question you asking why you have taken 10 min for a coffee which
can be done within 5 min. Even if you say that he is talking about the
instant coffee while you have made the filter coffee, he will not
accept. The same will be with all the work you do. You must not think
about this person if you want to do make up in your life !!!


Nithya: then! you mean to say that we should not marry software guys??

Vidhya: who said like that?? In software there is one more group. They
are called the developers group. How much ever you hit them they will
bear.

Nithya: then tell about them.

Vidhya: you don't have to do anything. They will do everything
themselves. If we sit back and just boost them it is enough. But the
problem with them is- they will say "I know it" whatever you ask them.
Even that is ok. They will bear how much ever you hit them but the
condition is you must keep saying "you are too good" after hitting them
every time.

Nithya: this is superb. Then we must search for this kind of a groom.... J
 
 

Nine words women use..

Nine words women use...

1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5.) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6.) That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man.. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.
8.) Whatever : Is a women's way of saying Get Lost you Idiot!
9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.